A Tomorrow Without Domestic Abuse

I'm unique. My story is unique. Your unique. Your story is unique.

In my story yesterday was not so good. But today and tomorrow are great!

I have been married for over 25 years to a wonderful, sane, non-violent man. I have three children, and three grandchildren. I live in the same town with my parents, two of my sisters and their families. We are all very close and I thank God every day for all of them. I own a real estate company. I have 15 agents that work for me including my oldest daughter, one of my sisters, and one of my sister-in-laws. My children are doing great. And you really don't want to get me started talking about my fabulous grandchildren. I love the city I live in. I love my church family. I love my job and the people I work with. I love my life.

There is something else I need to tell you about my life. I don't live in fear. I'm not afraid for myself, my children or anyone in my family. I don't live with fear, hate, anger or drugs. There is no murder in my heart. I sleep peacefully at night. I know I am capable. I know I am smart. I know I can do anything I decide to do.

Life was not always as it is now. If you do not live a life free of fear, hate, anger or drugs I want you to know that you really can. You are unique. Abusers are not unique. They are actually all very much the same. How are they the same. Here is what my abuser was like (I bet you will recognize these traits)

He could be very sweet and charming.
He could also be very hateful and nasty.
He never meant to do it, he just lost control. And yet he didn't lose control in front of other people.
He promised it would never happen again. Every time.
And the worst - He said he would take my child. He would disappear with her and I would never see her again, and there was nothing I could do about it. He said he had talked to an attorney and he would get custody of my child. The threats against my child were the scariest of all.

I don't really know when or how it happened, but I doubted myself, my ability, the love of my family and friends and my power to change my life. Honestly for the longest time I could see no way out short of murder.

I will be forever greatful to one of my ex-sister-in-laws for suggesting that I call Penelope House, a home for domestic violence victims. I met with a counselor who convinced me that not only was I not protecting my daughter I was putting her in greater danger. She said domestic violence never just gets better. Abusers don't change, they just get worse. And I was teaching my daughter that this is normal behavior and one day she would find herself a victim of abuse if I stayed.

I decided to leave. It wasn't easy. I was very scared. In the beginning I lived at Penelope House with my daughter. Even when I moved out of Penelope House I stayed in hiding for a long time.

I learned a lot.

I learned that judges really do not like abusers - and they are not fooled.
I learned that when faced with paying child support many abusers will just disappear - after all, they are a pretty lousy lot of individuals. My lawyer told me most of them were gone within a year. In my case it was 13 months.
I learned my family loved me and were very supportive.
I learned I could start over with no money, no furniture, and no job.

I learned that life without drama is so great!!!!

It's now over 27 years since I left. My past life no longer even seems real to me. My 6 year marriage is something that most of the people I know now have no knowledge of. I do what I can for Penelope House, but I don't talk about it and best of all, I rarely think about it.

My local Women's Council of Realtors does an annual fund raiser for Penelope House and so once a year I start thinking I wish I could do more to give back and help those who are going through what I went through in my past life. The counselors there said my story could be encouraging to others.

So this is my story. It's the short version without all the gory details, but I don't think the gory details are what is important. I think what is important is for people to know that no one has to live that way. No matter what you think, you really do deserve a good life.

Please use this blog to share -

What have you done to make your tomorrow better than today?

What would you like your tomorrow to look like?

If you do not have anyone to talk to, talk to us.